tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85707534460822175412011-04-22T06:31:48.787+05:30These are articles published in my column in Sunday Express, Chennai.Jyoti Sanyalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17888122824698640009noreply@blogger.comBlogger221100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8570753446082217541.post-64201736122769091512007-10-08T16:44:00.000+05:302007-10-08T16:48:53.177+05:30

Published on October 07, 2007.Chhanda reminded Deb: “We were talking about the plain language movement in the West. Any new developments?”“Yes indeed,” said Deb. “All plain language groups around the globe will be zeroing in on Amsterdam 11 to 14 October. For the Sixth International Plain Language Conference. The biggest till now.”“Wow!” said Chhanda. “Who’s arranging it?”“Been convened by PLAIN-

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Published on September 23Rajat showed us the booklet. Karmachari Bhavishya Nidhi, its title read. “I read and write Hindi all the while,” he told us. “But I’m damned if I can make sense of this. It’s partly Hindi, partly Sanskrit, and wholly gobbledygook.”Rajat is a teacher in Chhattisgarh, and none of us doubt his knowledge of Hindi. “What’s it mean?” Anjum asked scornfully.“Supposedly, an

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Published on September 09, 2007Deepak was pensive. That seemed to nettle Anjum. “Chewing the cud?” he teased Deepak.“Was thinking about that workshop Deb ran,” Deepak drawled. “How those bank robots who write letters been told to write the way East India Company baboos did two centuries ago. As though time’s stood still.”“Why pick on that bank?” said Chhanda. “Almost every sarkari officer writes

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Published on August 26DEB HAD JUST RUN A WORKSHOP. “Was on official correspondence,” he told Anjum. “For those who write to customers of India’s largest private-sector bank. Was successful if you go by participants’ response. But was pointless.”That naturally got us all interested.“I mean the participants were eager to learn, and responded well,” Deb said. “My Powerpoint presentation showed them

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Published on August 12, 2007Deepak showed us the news item: law graduates aren’t interested in legal practice; they want jobs in corporate legal cells. Also, in legal process outsourcing companies.“I suppose,” said Anjum, “that as education spreads, they realize they can’t fool clients as their forebears did.”“A bit more to it,” said Deepak. “Banks hire goons to beat up borrowers. You read

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Published on July 29Mohan was furious with Chhanda: “The other day you said Brahmins were the first Taliban. It’s always been the stupid Leftist fashion to be anti-Brahmin. But that’s going just too far, you know.”Even though Anjum habitually baits Chhanda, he now rushed to her defence: “Let’s see it in context. Hinduism’s the most catholic of all religious systems---yes. But Hinduism’s gone

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Published on July 15Anjum leafed impatiently through some school textbooks. “Look at these! No matter what the subject, it’ll be in language kids can’t understand. Sanskritised terms a mile long. Why can’t they coin plain, everyday words?”“Because ours is the wonderland of gobbledygook,” said Deb. “Mantra-muttering Indians see no need for clarity. Look at our laws - in 18th century gibberish that

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DEEPAK DELIGHTED US with his quiet humour: “I've worked for a government set-up for the past 29 years, and now I’m more ‘the undersigned’ than Deepak Bellur.”“That reminds me of a Chennai businessman’s letter,” said Anjum. “In 12 lines, he used ‘the undersigned’ seven times: ‘Two weeks ago, when the undersigned had met you, the undersigned had told you . . .’ He seemed to abhor the personal

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Christine, the Canadian plain language campaigner, said she’d read it on the web:‘On August 24, the 309th anniversary of the founding of the Indian city of Calcutta, the city will cast aside its colonial moniker and change its name to Kolkata.’“So if India can cast aside that colonial moniker,” she asked Chhanda, “why not the colonial moniker of Victorian English?”“You’re asking the wrong person,

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Rohit WAS DEPRESSED: “I signed up for a bank loan; don’t know what I signed.”“You mean you went to a private-sector bank, and signed on the dotted line,” Anjum said half-teasingly. “But that’s the whole idea---to word it all in language that makes no sense to anyone. It’s meant to hoodwink you into believing the bank’s doing you a great favour, when it’s doing just what any money-lender does.

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ROHIT YIPPEED OVER the U P election results: “Forget your pessimism over criminal MLAs and MPs,” he told Deb. “Look: U P’s voters’ve sacked 60% of sitting MLAs. And not just Mulayam’s men; they sacked sitting MLAs from all parties. In as many as 242 places.”“A vote against criminal MLAs,” said Chhanda with satisfaction. “The people were fed up with the goonda Raj. And then there was Nithari . . .

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IT TOOK A WHILE to get Deb’s meaning: “Our MPs’ll be all camaraderie now.”Rohit guffawed: “Hah! They’re at each other’s throats half the time.” “Ah,” said Deb, “don’t they always unite to vote perks and pay hikes for themselves? But now the gangs’ll be as thick as thieves.”“Over what?” Rohit demanded.Deb spoke softly: “Over an ‘MPs Immunity Bill’.”“Huh?” Rohit guffawed again. “Who’ll table this

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DEB WATCHED Anjum twirl his cigarette between his thumb and index finger. “Mulling anything specific?”“Actually, yes,” Anjum grinned. “Been reading about Indian English . . . wondering how to put into a nutshell exactly what’s wrong with it. Any ideas?”“What you can put into a nutshell,” said Deb, “deserves to stay there, wouldn’t you say?”“Hmm . . . alright, a cliché. But would you say the real

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IT ALL BEGAN with Sathya’s e-mail.“In our company,” Sathya mailed Deb, “when someone seeks a superior’s help with a problem, they call it escalate”.Sathya’d quoted a sentence:’In the event the Senior Support Executive is unable to resolve the problem, the issue is escalated to the Support, QA, Product Managers---in that order.’“It doesn't sound right,” Sathya’d written, “but my manager says the

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DEB SAID it so casually we hardly noticed: “Most Hindus’ll hafta quit India.”Anjum, the quick Gemini, was the first to react: “What joke’s that?”Deb retained the casual tone: “No joke at all. The press sees a BJP resurgence in its scores in Himachal and Punjab.”“How in hell does a BJP resurgence threaten Hindus?” Anjum giggled.“Well, not all Hindus maybe,” Deb persisted. “but those that practise

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His Scorpio eyes askew with cynicism, Subhas watched Kanchan scan her newspaper.“Ferreting for news?” The sarcasm was unmistakable. “Yell when you find any.”Kanchan, the determined Capricorn, kept reading.Rohit, the blunt Taurean, got suspicious: “What’re you pitching at?”“Nothing sinister,” Subhas donned a studied cool. “Just marveling we expect the paper to give us news.”“What do you see in a

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DEB LET FLY that India’s education system could only turn students into dinosaurs.Predictably, Anjum jumped at this. Anjum’s a Gemini: you’ve only to throw an idea his way and he’ll tear at it like a puppy a pair of old leather slippers. “What else can you expect when our universities stick to their Sepoy Mutiny syllabi? They’re Jurassic Parks, man.”Chhanda, petite, babyfaced just-retired

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“THE PM’s been told to step on the gas for English.”---“Oh? Who told the Prime Minister that?”“Sam Pitroda did.”---“In what capacity?”“The PM appointed the National Knowledge Commission--- the NKC; Pitroda’s its chief.”---“ India going China’s way, eh?”“Think so?”---“Don’t you?”“No, I don’t. When were Indians as serious-minded as the Chinese?”---“Okay, cynic, what’s your take on it?”“It’s just

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“DON’T BELIEVE we’re still a British colony?”---“What nonsense is this?”“Look: the State Government’s asked the British Council to train teachers.”---“Just a business deal. Why see a colonial ghost in it?”“Know what the Council does?”---“Umm . . . guess they work for the uplift of the standard of English . . .”“And like missionaries, scatter wisdom about the English language, eh?”---“Dunno about

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"You're on the wrong track, man . . . you’ll find no takers for your plain language thing.”— “But it’s got to begin, surely? Things are changing everywhere. In Australia they’ve rewritten law in plain language . . . in Sweden, they’ve a special cell that translates into plain language every law the Swedish Parliament passes . . . in the USA, Bill Clinton signed an executive order asking all State

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“In a decade, Indians’ll need to learn English from the Chinese.”---“Rubbish! The Chinese’ve only just begun; we’ve had English for two centuries.”“D’you know what the Chinese’re up to? They’re importing Americans and Brits and Aussies to teach English in their schools! They want whites.”---“No, they want ‘native speakers’ . . . ain’t the same thing, you know.”“But d’you see what that means? They

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“BUT . . .” I said flabbergasted, “what explains his charisma if people can’t understand him?”“But don’t you see,” said Mrs Kumar, surprised at my naivety, “that’s just what his charisma’s all about . . . He spews old classical Tamil . . . scholars in Madurai might get some of it; people in Chennai can’t follow a word . . .”“Good god!” I said. “He leads the masses, and not one in the herd can

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