The Black Gold of Brittany

“DON’T BELIEVE we’re still a British colony?”

---“What nonsense is this?”

“Look: the State Government’s asked the British Council to train teachers.”

---“Just a business deal. Why see a colonial ghost in it?”

“Know what the Council does?”

---“Umm . . . guess they work for the uplift of the standard of English . . .”

“And like missionaries, scatter wisdom about the English language, eh?”

---“Dunno about the missionary bit, but guess they’re authoritative about British English.”

“Ah, authoritative---the very fountainhead of wisdom on English, eh?”

---“Well, er . . . they’re meticulous. They’ve carved the world into EFL and ESL zones, y’know : places where English is taught as a Foreign Language and as a Second Language.”

“And they’re the experts how to teach in each zone, right?”

---”Cut the sarky stuff; spill the beans, will you?

“Been wondering . . . found this in the Oxford Companion to the English Language, edited by Tom McArthur, Oxford: OUP, 1992.”

---“That’s authoritative. What does it say?”

“This:
‘In 1989, the [then] director general [of the British Council] Sir Richard Francis, said in an interview: 'Britain's real black gold is not oil, but the English language' (to William Greaves, The Times, 24 Oct 1989).

‘He referred to the Council as brokers who assisted the British ELT industry to promote a product around the world, adding that
'it's difficult to quantify [English] as a national resource. . .’

---“ELT . . . that’s English Language Teaching, right? And it’s their
INDUSTRY? Oh my god!”

“And the Council’s gotta act as its BROKERS.”

---“Hmm . . . and sell ELT packages across the globe---how much do they make?”

“Must be phenomenal. The Council chief said that was Britain’s real black gold. Like they once sold Birmingham steel to the colonies, eh? And the former colonies lap it all up---just as they once lapped up British goods.”

---“Or were made to---like opium they once shoved down Chinese gullets.”

“And when the Chinese would’ve no more, they started the Opium War: how the hell dare they refuse when the Brits wanted to sell the stuff, eh?”

---“But do you doubt the British Council’s expertise?”

“Read about the The Royal Literary Fund study in March '06?”

---“Didn’t the newspapers headline that ‘British undergraduates can’t write English’?”

“That's the one; was based on evidence from 71 universities. They’d 130 professional writers on the project; found even English literature students in elite universities couldn’t write a clear sentence. Hey, if the Council’s frothing with expertise, how come Brit universities don’t seek its help, huh?”

---“You’re on the dot there . . . but what’s wonky about those ELT packages?”

“Don’t you see, people in former colonies can’t ever identify with ELT packages cobbled by Brits who know nothing of their languages, or anything about them.”

---“How’d you want them---in Hindi for Indians, in Malay for the Malaysians . . .?”

“Partly, yes. They could use Hindi sentences and their English equivalents to show how English behaves UNLIKE our languages. Indians would then understand the difference. And they’d also have to have something the people can identify with . . . like reference points. Ditto for all other languages and cultures.”

---“Why don’t you suggest that to the Council?”

“You crazy? It’s the Council’s job to sell those packages, not explore how those’d work better.”

---“Why don’t you tell our education authorities?”

“But I did. After many a mail, the Secretary for Higher Education referred me to the Directorate of Public Instruction. The DPI chief said that wasn’t his business. The Institute of English said it would send its assessment of my proposal to the DPI. The Pro-Vice Chancellor of Calcutta University said he’d read what I’d given him; would get back to me later. Been over three months; he never will.”

---“Any idea why?”

“Can’t prove it, of course; but First World countries always stage Bofors in Third World ones, don’t they?”

---“You mean some people in former colonies that buy the ELT packages get paid under the table?”

“Well, whichever politicos can okay the deal, I guess. The East India Company paid the old Rajah or Maharajah to trade in his territory. Territory-grabbing began soon after. Obsolete guns, submarines, helicopters, obsolete phone exchange gadgetry, ELT packages, toxic waste, or just muck--- anything the First World wanna dump. You name it; the game’s the same: loot the wogs.”

---“You mean the education authorities in former colonies don’t evaluate those ELT packages?”

“Hah! whether a phoren thingy’s bogus or no; they work, or they don’t; the politico mafia in Third World countries pass ’em once their pockets get lined---and Bob’s your uncle!”

---“But if Indians don’t make something better, that’ll go on here too, won’t it?”
“If Indians do make something better, that’ll be IGNORED---unless our politico mafia gets its kickback. And Indians won’t touch anything home-made and not smelling phoren, see? Man, it’s the mindset. Once a colony, always a colony---amen!”