13 March 2007

Turning Hinduism on its head.

DEB SAID it so casually we hardly noticed: “Most Hindus’ll hafta quit India.”

Anjum, the quick Gemini, was the first to react: “What joke’s that?”

Deb retained the casual tone: “No joke at all. The press sees a BJP resurgence in its scores in Himachal and Punjab.”

“How in hell does a BJP resurgence threaten Hindus?” Anjum giggled.

“Well, not all Hindus maybe,” Deb persisted. “but those that practise Vedic religion’d better watch out.”

“In the mood for clowning?” Chhanda put on her indulgent motherly tone. “When did the BJP oppose Vedic religion?”

Deb went on: “It’s like this. The BJP, RSS and the VHP burnt their fingers in Gujarat after they burnt Muslims. The BJP’ll now try to prove they ain’t anti-Muslim. But the VHP and RSS must have their religion thingy. They’d been going on about those that practise a ‘foreign religion’ must quit India. They meant Muslims, of course. But now they’ll want to leave Islam alone---at least till they can woo Muslim votes. And so only Vedic religion can fit their bill.”

“What bill?” Anjum laughed.

“The ‘phoren religion’ bill, of course,” Deb said. “Vedic religion is altogether foreign, as y’know: the people we call Aryans brought it here. We still don’t know for sure where they came from; only that they were foreigners. Now if the Sangh Parivar wants to clang its ‘phoren religion’ gong, and yet must leave Islam alone, what’s left except Vedic religion?”

Here Anjum surprised us all: “Don’t be fooled; the BJP knows the Vedas are foreign . . . finds that a damned nuisance, of course. And so they’ve cooked up that there never was an Aryan invasion . . . that the Aryans, like the Vedas, just sprouted in the Indus valley. They’ve their Dr. Bisht, supposedly an archaologist, who turns history on its head.”

“Yes, but if the BJP begins its hunt,” Deb said, “it can’t brand Jainism foreign; that began in India. Ditto with Buddhism. Ditto with Vaishnavism. Ditto with Sikhism. Zoroastrianism came in from Iran, whence some of the Aryans came. But the Zoroastrians are such an invisible minority the Parivar’s goons won’t know where to look for them. So that leaves us with Vedic religion.”

“You forgot Christianity,” Anjum reminded him.

“Not really,” said Deb. “The Pune Bhandarkar Institute’s theory is that the Ahirs of Haryana brought in the Krishna cult after they heard about Christ. Hindus are pretty familiar with the Krishna-Christ equation, y’know.”

“They’re just as familiar with the Ram-Rahim equation,” said Anjum. “That didn’t stop Modi’s Godhra, did it?”

“No, it didn’t,” said Deb. “But y’see, bullying a few Christians can’t fetch cow belt votes; bashing Muslims can. Also, the BJP can always hope to pit Christians against Muslims in Kerala: might help it pitch camp in the South. But the Akali-BJP tie-up means a new path for the BJP.”

“What new path can the BJP take?” shot Anjum. “It can’t explain anything new to its illiterate supporters in the cow belt. How’d you get them to understand anything but Muslim-bashing?”

Deb was unfazed: “But the chaps think ‘Sikh’ when they hear ‘Akali’. Islam is garm masala in the Sikhism brew. An association with Sikhs means a new path for the BJP. It means a nearness to Islamic ideas.”

“It means nothing of the sort,” snorted Anjum. “The tie-up’s just survival politics. The BJP resurgence (if it’s a resurgence) might only encourage Hindu fanatics in Punjab and Himachal . . .”

“To start a Godhra in the north?” Deb interrupted him. “No way! Sidelining Narendra Modi was a signal to Muslims. The message is clear: the BJP won’t have RSS or VHP pushing it around.”

Anjum stuck to his guns: “It doesn’t matter what BJP leaders signal. If the party takes Delhi, the fanatics among its supporters will start the game anyways. Vajpayee was at the helm when Gujarat happened. He could do nothing. If the cow belt goons want a Godhra in the north, Rajnath Singh will be able to do damn all.”

Deb persisted with his logic: “If the BJP takes Delhi, you bet it’ll have to make sure Godhra can’t be repeated anywhere. If its cow belt goons run amok, the Army’ll get a free hand. Vajpayee’d wanted that in Gujarat. Modi barred the way. There’s no Modi in the north. And Rajnath’s deflated even the Smart Alec Jaitleys.”

“Sounds like wishful thinking to me,” said Anjum.

“Not at all,” said Deb. “The Sangh’s running out of cards.”

“What cards?” asked Chhanda naively.

“All the ‘smart cards’ it’d designed,” said Deb. “They can’t play the ‘Ram Mandir’ card: Singhal’s sadhu-Mahant gangs’ve quit screeching. The masjid-built-on-mandir card is a goner: ’cause that prodded Buddhists to clamour for pulling down Hindu temples built over Buddhist temples and monasteries. And so, there’s only one card the Parivar can play safely.”

Anjum corrected Deb: “Well Buddhists did say that after Babri, but it was low key. And how would they play the card ‘safely’?”

Deb, always impressive with his Virgo clarity of thought, delivered it calmly: “The BJP got resurrected in the land of five rivers, and this ‘phoren Vedic religion’ card is five-edged:

  • “One: it may set the Shankaracharyas fuming, but who cares?
  • “Two: the cow belt goons won’t know which way to look.
  • “Three: the Singhal gang’ll still be able to pretend they are religious reformers all.
  • “Four: it’ll convince minorities the BJP’s turning militant Hinduism on its head. -
  • “Five: when the Shahi Imam figures the BJP’s turned Hinduism on its head---by about as much as it’s turned history on its head---he’ll issue a fatwa asking Muslims to vote the BJP to the Centre. Shanti Om.”

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